The Grumpy Liberation Front speaks out

Stuart Crocket may seek Europe's help. His human rights have been attacked. Perhaps, he thinks, it's time to sue:

Now, true to form, Stuart Crocket is threatening to take his golf club to the European court for banning him from the clubhouse.

Crocket’s reputation as a stickler for golfing rules and regulations has resulted in the 79-year-old being allowed to play Glen Golf Club, North Berwick, but ordered to keep away from the facilities.

The feisty former accountant is not even allowed to use the toilets at the club despite his advanced years.

The ‘tee-but-no-pee’ ruling has - perhaps predictably - incensed Crocket, who claims it is a breach of his human rights and has vowed to take the case to Strasbourg.

Goodness me. The golf club is perfectly entitled to make its own rules, pick its own members and throw them out if they don't comply. Assuming that's what's happened here, nobody's "human rights" have been abridged and Europe should keep its nose out.

Nevertheless, it does rather look as though Mr Crocket may be a bit of a character:

The player said Crocket was a "dangerous guy". "He gets this bee in his bonnet and that’s him away. He’s well known for his obstinacy all round the town in shops and whatever."

Club officials at Tantallon would certainly agree. While at the club, Crocket made 170 complaints in a year and was hauled up for making "excessive, improper and unnecessary" use of the club suggestion book.

He also annoyed members by tipping off the Lord Lyon that the club crest had not been properly registered in accordance with the rules of heraldry.

Actually, I'm beginning to warm to Mr Crocket. Suggestion books should be used, and the Lord Lyon, King of Arms is not to be mocked, for he has the power to:

erase unwarrantable arms, and to "dash them furth of" stained-glass windows, break unwarrantable seals, and, where the Fiscal or complainer moves for forfeiture, to grant warrant for seizing movable goods and gear upon which arms are unwarrantably represented.

In other words the Lord Lyon is a fellow Grumpy Old Man, and, just occasionally, I feel a wee bit grumpy myself.

North Berwick is a fine town with few of the problems that face so many other places. Things could be worse. Perhaps it's time for the Glen Golf Club to readmit Mr Crocket.

We are grumpy and we are proud!