Jings! Crivvens! Help ma Boab!

This time, they've gone too far:

FOR decades, he gave not a jot for political correctness or cholesterol levels by encouraging his horse with jaggy spurs, six-gun at the ready and consuming live cow pies. Alas, the good times are over for Desperate Dan. The children’s favourite is the latest recipient of a makeover for more politically correct times.

This is not the Dan we know and respect.

For starters, what about this:

Gone too is the pistol, which was said to promote gun culture. It used to be seen poking out of the top of Dan’s holster but has now disappeared - although the holster remains.

A disarmed Dan! Doesn't that mean that the great man's statue will have to be altered?

(photo from Michael Laing's website)

And if Dan's gun has to go surely Minnie the Minx will have to lose her catapult. Will it be safe to walk the streets of Dundee now that honest citizens have lost their weapons? I mean, would you wander down the Nethergate on a Friday night without carrying your own personal backpack nuke? I certainly wouldn't.

It gets worse:

Also axed are the spurs and Dan’s dramatic method of preparing his dinner by tearing cows apart, both of which are regarded as too overtly cruel to animals.

"Cruel to animals". Nonsense: there are far too many marauding hordes of bovines rampaging through the streets of Scotland's fourth city. Their excessive wind probably caused the Tay Bridge Disaster.

Dundonians are nevertheless looking forward to being introduced to the Dandy's

first ethnic minority character, an Afro-Caribbean boy detective called, wait for it, Dreadlock Holmes.

I am sure that young Dread will carry on in the successful tradition of his esteemed predecessor.

But I did notice this little snippet about Dreadlock:

who lives with his mum, dad and sister

Ye Gods! A NUCLEAR FAMILY! Next we'll be hearing that Dread's dad has a job and that his mum stays at home looking after the children.

So Dundee hasn't quite mastered this political correctness thing after all. Good. The city by the silvery Tay is more-or-less OK as it is. Just bring back the Jute, Jam and Journalism. And the cow pies. Or pehs, as they say in Dundee.