Where's Gordon?

That's what everyone is asking.

It couldn't be, could it, that he's about to make a really big announcement?

Along these lines:

Some of you have been concerned about recent financial news. You may rest assured that I've been giving this matter my full attention.

I'm pleased to announce that I have come back from Frankfurt, with this bit of paper, signed by Herr Hitler Frau Merkel, in which she has agreed to the United Kingdom's immediate adoption of the Euro.

Don't worry; the pound in you pocket will not be affected. It will just have a new name. For one pound, you now have one Euro.

There's more good news. When the rest of Britain's gold is sent to Germany I have arranged for it to be shipped from Tyneside, not Tilbury. Those Labour-voting Geordies will need all the jobs they can get.

Thank you all. Good night and God save bless Britain.