Friday 23 May 2003

The midge bites the dust

Scotland and her people are associated with many great inventions: television, radar, anaesthetics, penicillin, the telephone, logarithms, paraffin, pneumatic tyres and tarmac roads and, of course, Dolly the Sheep. Now, the greatest of all inventions is at hand:
The end is nigh for Scotland’s smallest, but most dreaded, pest - the midge. A new device, to be launched next week, promises to help eliminate the scourge of the tourism industry.

...The device, which looks like a tall patio heater, is powered by Calor gas and releases an odour similar to that given off by humans. It attracts the midges, which are then sucked into and killed by the system.

I demand hereditary peerages for the inventors.